Abigails Conscience: the Crucible Monologue
Abigail’s Conscience I can’t think all of this has actually happened. I feel so guilty, however I don’t truly care, I understand I’m more vital than any of those old individuals. Besides, John Proctor deserved it! How dare he use me just because he was lonely and having marital problems! I had all the rights to ruin his marriage. However, I can’t assist however feeling dreadful when I think about those two young boys that have no father any longer. Its all my fault! I began this nonsense of witchcraft even if I was scared after our little game in the forest!
And now hundredths of persons have actually passed away! How can I be so self centered! I constantly new I had no self control however I never ever thought it would get me to this point. Numerous households are now incomplete thanks to me, farms and animals have actually died due to the fact that of me, children no longer have a house to come to and employees like Tituba are going outrageous all since of me! How could I let this happen? How can I sit here and watch all this suffering take place in front of me and remain peaceful? All of this is nothing compared to my grief, My cherished John Proctor is dead!
How can I perhaps survive without seeing his face once again? Understanding I could have stopped him from being hanged, eliminates me inside … Now I need to think of his spouse every day as a reminder of what I did, but how can I blame her for disliking me? I have actually been a dreadful individual in the last months! God forbid her from staying in prison! Those children! They are nearly orphans now and I could have done something about it! John and I might have raised them together if it wasn’t for Elizabeth!
I accused her just so Mr. Proctor would lastly be complimentary! And now I have absolutely nothing, nothing to live for. Without him, theres no point for me to keep doing any of this things. Nobody really cares about me. Im empty. What have I made with myself? How come I don’t have any self respect for myself any longer? I have to work as a prostitute in Boston, far from house, from my family, from all the ones who know me, to be with males I do not mean to see ever again! And for what? Money? Love? …
I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror, I utilized to be so quite, of reputation, someone people wished to fulfill. Now, Im no one. John and I had a connection, it resembled angels whispering when we were together, it was gods will! I know that since I have actually never ever felt a lot happiness in my life. Theres absolutely nothing left for me worldwide, I did all I might to get the attention of the entire town, and I did! How can I seem like this if everybody is at my feet? But then I remember its all lies, none of it holds true and words can not express the worry and grief I feel.
Im an afflict, theres nothing I can do to repair my mistakes anymore, I can not revive the dead, however how I wish i could! I can not change or eliminate the important things I stated about those innocent individuals who are now being implicated and eliminated, and no matter just how much I hope on my knees I cant stop feeling pitiful and evil. Im never ever returning … I cant even bare to hear the name Salem, theres nothing left for me to do but request for the excellent lord to forgive my name, to give me strength to stroll with my direct and get rid of all sin of my currently rotten soul.